Those beach bois.

I harap Kei consider la nak bagi I £100 untuk beli beg yang I dah eye since awal tahun tu. Hahahaha.

I rasa masa kita bertiga cuba group video call ni, kita semua bukanlah happy mana. Kei stress dengan his study, AJ demam. I pula masih mood swings.

Thanks to technology, this friendship stays strong walau jauh beratus ribu batu.

Today I am sad

I think that the feeling that I hate the most is the feeling of being a failure. 

I have so many failures. 

I feel defeated.
I am sad. 

Dian di pagi Ahad.

Dalam kekalutan malam, wajahnya yang Dian akan selalu cari. Wajah yang boleh membuatkan hatinya tak bimbang. Bukan wajah sebenarnya, mungkin rasa yang wajah itu bawa. Rasa yang kita sama sama rasa. Rasa yang bukan boleh nak diceritakan.

Dian tahu, walau berapa ramai pria yang cuba mencungkil hatinya, cuma Izzu yang pegang hatinya. Bahaya ni. Bahaya kalau hati yang dipegang itu dicarik buat menampal hati yang lain. Haha.

Harapnya tak begitulah.
Izzu yang Dian tahu selama beberapa tahun ini bukan begitu. Dan kalau berlaku pun tidak apa. Dunia ini bukan Dian punya.

Tak adil 1

129 papers in 7 days including weekends.

Kau rasa?

Selepas dikaji kaji, dirasa sendiri, ditimbang di hati,
Rupanya memang betul la yang tak merasa tak mungkin ada rasa empati. Yang tak menanda mana mungkin rasa deritanya tak cukup masa.

Mana boleh samakan kau dengan kami. Kau satu kumpulan ada 96 yang dibahagi-bahagi sampai tinggal 24 satu kumpulan. 24 pula dibahagi 5! Hahaha jangan kan 3 hari. Kalau aku, sehari pun siap!

Tak adil, tak adil. Well actually isu ini bukan apa, tak besar pun. Boleh je manage. Cuma I realized that kita tak boleh harap walau secubit rasa untuk orang lain rasa empati atau bertimbang rasa kepada kita. Dan memang betul pun, lagi tinggi pangkat dia, lagi dipijak dihenyaknya.

Hahaha.
Cibei.
Aku sumpah kau mati! 

Hai Nov 2018

OMG I am back. 

Wei, tadi I buka wordpress account tau. Lepastu I baru ingat rupanya I pernah buka and I closed it sebab WP tak best! Tak soothing to my eyes aiceh! So I pun macam wonder la apasal eh. Now I remember why I am a bit off with WordPress as compared to Blogger. Firstly, the fonts here are humongous and ugly. The line spacing is huge macamlah kita nak taip academic paper. Lepastu kalau I choose font size ‘small’ dia jadi macam besar semut. If it is in blogger, it is nicer.

Btw, my blogger is still here rupanya, I opened it up and bapak sedih content I pada February lalu. Tapi I forgot what had happened so I just published knowing that rupanya I resort to writing ye jika I kesedihan. Tapi punyalah aku made it general sampai I pun tak tau sedih stress sebab apa lol sadisnya hidupku.

Wei I posted in WP and yes it was ugly. So I am going to close the account, again. Sebab interface buruk! Hahah!

Ok publishing in 3, 2,1

Something that I wrote early this year. (?)

Coming back to this for I know the only right place for me to vent out my feelings is through writings. I am tired of talking or venting through tweets or facebook statuses and opt for this for people no longer read blogs now.

1. I know I screw up. And it is hard for me to accept how screw up I am in this though when I see this in another perspectives, it is not that messy. It is solvable as time goes by. Hopefully by that time, I am able to forgive all those judging souls who made my life miserable for weeks.

2. Funny that as people see mistakes in others, they are actually showcasing theirs.

Love
D

You blocked me with no apparent reason.
Called you 3 times but to no avail.
I don't know why.
I believe I have the right to know why.

It's okay.
Maybe it's time for me to go, away.

Thanks. Bye.

The lost teacher.

FB Messenger

April 19, 2014 at 19:48

Assalamualaikum to teacher nudya. May this msg finds you in the best of health insyaAllah.

Maaf kalau sy mengganggu kalau tc busy. Dan maaf andai msg ni mgkn mengingatkan tc pd bnde yg tc usaha utk lupakan.Tujuan sy hntr msg kt fb tc sbb sy nak mohon minta maaf ats kebiadapan dan keterlanjuran kata saya spnjg tc mngjr, maaf sbb sy tak ambil peduli dgn perasaan tc, dan saya minta maaf sbb sy tak mnjd seorg anak murid yg baik.

Jujur saya kata, sy dh lama niat nk minta maaf dgn tc, cuma sy takut dgn diri sndiri.Sy takut tc tak nak maafkan sy, sy takut tc akan hina or maki sy, dn sbb sy malu dgn diri sndiri..tp saya lg takut bila sy tak minta maaf dgn tc, sy tak mmpu nak cr tc kat pdg mahsyar utk redha dgn sy.

Sy malu sbb sy bertdg labuh dn sy malu krn sy mgkn tc akan beranggapan yg sama dgn org yg pkai tdg labuh yg lain.Dan paling pnting sy takut tc akan slh fhm dgn agama disbbkan sy.

Sy rasa malu dan tak adil, dsbbkn sy tc mgkn rasa tc dh taknak mnjd guru atau continue to teach ppl disbbkan pglmn sy tak menghormati tc dulu.Saya taknak guna ungkapan everybody make mistakes utk halalkan apa yg sy dh buat dgn tc.Jujur, saya malu dgn diri sndiri, sgt malu dgn tc, dan teramat malu dgn Allah.Saya taknak galas dosa ni smpai sy mati.

Thank you for being a nice teacher.Dan saya gembira Allah temukan kita.Saya taknak tc fikir tc ambil course english merupakan satu penyesalan n bcos of it you went thru all of this, maaf kalau kdg2 tc beranggapan begitu (kalau ada).

Dan plg penting saya tak nak tc lost contct dgn imtiyaz yg lain dsbbkan sy..dsbbkan attitude sy.Disebabkan saya yg misbehave.

Saya sntiasa menghitung hari bila sy mmpu dan berani utk minta maaf dgn tc.Setiap hari saya kumpul kekuatan utk minta maaf dgn tc.Alhamdulillah Allah bg kekuatan tu skrg.

Saya tahu, bukan mudah utk tc maafkan sy, bukan sng utk lupakan apa yg berlaku mcm tu saja.Mgkn kalau saya jd tc pun, sy pun taktahu samada sy kuat dan mampu atau tak utk maafkan seorg anak murid yg tak beradab.

Saya minta maaf.Jujur dr hati sy yg plg dlm.Saya takut sy tak mampu nk cr tc kt hari akhirat nnt.

Kdg2 sy bnci dgn diri sy dn sy selalu fikir knp sy smpai tergamak utk buat tc mcm tu.Saya dh tak mmpu nk fikir lg.Kdg2 sy mcm tak layak nak hidup ats muka bumi ni lg.

Jujur, sy terharu bila tc tegur sy, bgtahu apa yg slh, mgkn sy yg terlalu sombong utk mendgr.Angkuh brgkali.

Jangan risau, niat sy lgsg tak bercmpur sbb sy nak exam atau apa2 selain sy takut utk galas dosa ni smpai mati.

Sy fhm kalau tc masih tak maafkan saya atau masih belum dpt lupakan apa yg sy buat, sbb kalau sy di tmpt tc, mgkn sy lagi teruk.

Ampunkan salah silap sy.Ampunkan sgala apa yg sy kata yg amat mengguriskan hati tc.Saya mohon ampun sgt2.

Moga Allah berkati tc.Moga Allah ampunkan dosa kita semua.Dan moga Allah ganjari tc setimpalnya.

Moga tc sudi ampunkan saya.Moga tc sudi maafkan seorg anak murid sperti saya.

Moga Allah temukan kita lagi suatu hari nnt. Maaf andai tulisan ini mengingatkan tc pd ms lps.

-Safiya Nazeeha bt Affandi-
3 Imtiyaz, 2014

April 22, 2014 at 16:24

Waalaikumussalam Safiya.
Thank you for having the courage to send me a message despite whatever feelings you have towards me during and after my practical time at your school; or classroom to be exact.

Secara jujurnya, saya sudah pun memaafkan kamu (dan semua yang lain) apabila selangkah kaki saya keluar, bukan lagi sebagai guru praktikal di SMK Seksyen 7 Ogos lalu. Saya juga faham sekiranya tindakan saya mencetus amarah kamu, tapi ikhlas, teguran saya ikhlas bagi membetulkan kamu yang terlalu lantang bersuara. Kamu mempunyai karakter yang kuat. Kamu petah dalam berhujah. Tetapi gunakan lah kelebihan itu secara lemah lembut dan bersopan.

Saya okay, mungkin ya, saya juga terkejut atas tindakan kamu tetapi kamu masih muda, masih berdarah panas. Jadi, saya faham atas tindakan kamu itu.

Tidak, saya tidak pernah benci untuk menjadi pendidik. Cumanya, saya kini lebih selesa bekerja dan mengajar mereka yang lebih dewasa. Hence, i am now teaching in UniKL RCMP. No worries, it's not because of you.

Jangan benci diri sendiri. Humans are created with no perfection.
Saya maafkan kamu. Maaf juga jika saya bukan seorang guru Bahasa Inggeris yang baik tahun lalu.

May Allah bless us all

Love,
Teacher D.

***

Nov 3, 2016 at 12:23

Assalamualaikum teacher :)
Moga dlm keadaan sihat dan sejahtera, inshaAllah.
Saya, Saf**a Naz***a bt Af**di, batch 2 Imtiyaz 2013 ingin mengambil kesempatan memberitahu bhw saya akn menduduki peperiksaan SPM pd 7/11/2016 ini. Moga teacher dpt mendoakan saya dn rakan2 batch '99 yg lain.
Saya juga ingin memohon maaf di atas semua kesalahan dn khilaf spnjg teacher mengajar. Hanya Allah yg dpt membls jasa baik para guru semua. Doakan kejayaan kami dunya dan akhirat :)

Salam sayang,
Safiya Nazeeha, 2 Imtiyaz 2013

14:22

Waalaikumussalam Safiya.
.
.
.

Hi Nov(k?)

It has been two days since I skipped my Spanish class. Got to know that I'm 5% fluent in that language. Oklah, sehari selembar benang, lama lama jadi songket, jual dapatlah duit hahaha. Need to sharpen my French and Arabic yang amat rusty. So rusty kalau tercucuk kaki terus kena gangrene. Serious.

Around two more months before 2016 ends. Hopefully these two months give me good news like dapat bonus ke, dapat tudung baru free ke, orang bayar hutang ke, kasut dan bags baru ke, key in markah on time ke, dapat jumpa Anuar Zain ke, makanan percuma ke, orang confess cinta ke, eh.

LOL

No?

My hair had turned to its original colour. It was refreshing. I cut off all the golden strains of hair and leave the black remains. It is a bit short, but whatever. Golden hair are quiet mishievous. Haha. Though I don't show 'em around, sometimes I think people who saw it when I was in musolla might feel disturbed by it. Though, it wasn't my fault. Siapa suruh hang judgemental? LOL

People's definition of bad is very weird. Some people see someone who wears tudung and pray 5 times daily as good, not knowing that she could be sleeping with someone's husband. Others may see someone who has multiple guy friends as a whore. Commiting suicide is wrong in Islam. It is always wrong to kill yourself because it shows that you don't have faith in your God. But life is hard, and we don't have any idea what is happening in other people's life. Why wouldn't netizens shut their computer and take care of their family, instead of poking their long nose and make comments and criticize people?

Some friends of mine are now paving their miles by being a lecturer in few institutions. Some of them are pursuing phD, well baguslah. But what's up with all the whining? lecturing has never been easy ok. Lesson plans, meetings, assessments, assignments and other things to do. That's the job scope. Kalau rasa semua benda nak whine, rungut and shit, quit lah. We feed on students fees. You're not that great pun. So stop looking down on students, they are not morons. Kalau you think you can't cope with the pressure, stop la phD kau. or stop working and do phD full time, no?