Separanoia

I started to realize that i don't really fancy the idea of spending the night(s) at someone else's house. Unless i have something important to do or it is my friends' rent house we're talking about. With this additional extra 4 months at home, i am so in love with the house i can't imagine i have to leave my petite room and sleep at a place of unknown.

First, i don't like to pack my things up. I hate to pick up the toothbrush la, shampoo la, bath foam and blablabla clothes, tudung bcgydubj. Banyak ko tau. Lappy is a must. Phone, chargers, purse womenstuffblablabla. It is annoying because i have to think what things i should bring and it takes a lot of time and i don't like to feel stress to know i did left something at home because i gesa gesa kemas benda. 

Second, I don't really like spending the night at people's place because i will feel awkward, not knowing what to do after i did something. Macam okay, dah makan, mandi pastu nak buat apa? Okay tolong menolong orang tua lepas tu? Lepas tu lepas tu? Bukak laptop main plant vs zombies dengan rasa bersalah. I hate this feelings.

Third, I feel insecure. Takut. Tidak selamat. For example, if my parents decided to spend the night at grandparents' house; usually ni time raya, i will be the most uncomfortable kid in the family. I can't sleep because i am afraid. This is basically due to the physical attributes that both houses had. Both grandparent's house are partially made up of wood. Setengah kayu setengah batu. So memang hampeh la aku nak tidoq dengan lenanya. Selalu tidur ayam dan dengar je keadaan sekeliling, seperti dengkuran saudara mara atau igauan dan tangisan anak kecil mereka. -_-

I know i have to fight these feelings away. I will, InsyaAllah

It's quite sometimes since i sleep at someone's house. But just now, when Abah told us that his uncle's son wedding is on Saturday and we have to sleep at Tok's house tomorrow's night,

I FEEL LIKE CRYING MY SOUL OUT. Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu T_T

love ♥

dyaJ