Maybe, yes?

*Beep.

"Terima kasih, betul lah you kata, dia suka, dan dia terharu, thanks"
"No sweat. Kan betul I kata."

I threw my phone away, put on my running pants, tied my hair high. I went out , running through the solemn night- as solemn as my heart, as sad. I wasn't sure how I was feeling, or why I was sad. But I felt heavy. I felt sad.

I walked past those few dogs I hated all this while. This time around, the dogs didn't come towards me, in fact they didn't even bark. They just looked and ignored me. Even bad dogs ignored me. Ha ha so pitiful.

I was thinking, maybe I was being over-reacting. I thought people would treasure me as how I always treasure them. I put expectation; and that kills me. Memories of how we spent time with each other came to my mind, continuously, flowing like Nile river. I guessed, that was it. He found his missing rib--and obviously it was not me.

That was it. As much as I hate bad dogs, I hate being too close with someone's boyfriend. I should move on, I thought. But it's super duper hard. It feels like forcing yourself to puke on your favourite person; like asking you to stop drinking your favourite drink. It never as easy. "Tapi kenapa?", my friend once asked. "Bukannya kau nak kat dia pun!" -- well that's the problem. I like him. I really really really really really like him. But I know it's not love - not yet (berdoa)

So the next few days, I changed routes. I usually passed through his house to go to work, but not anymore. I started to masturdate - eat and doing stuff alone (like how I used to). I don't start virtual conversations no more and macam-macam lah.

 I was struggling.

(well, am still struggling)

*Beep

"Eh jomlah lepak"
"Mana?"
"Nanti discuss, 10 minit I tiba"