Furious femme

I've been keeping this blog out of my students' reach. They should not know about this blog because they shouldn't see and witness how I evolve through my writings. Cewah. They shouldn't. My first batch of students, around 130+ students, are graduating and I do not intend to be as close as how I was (with my first students with them) because I am now older, the age gap is getting bigger and they are just too many. A lot of faces and I found it quite suffocating. They have different kinds of mindset which I cannot cater and I don't want to care for them like how I did, 3 years ago, with my first batch of students. Like ya, I went out and hang out with them at my favourite Mamak restaurant because I regard them as my friends--because they are like 3 years younger than me, or 4. Like Aleiff, the MBBS student who happened to be in my debate team , he is just a year younger than me. Setahun, meh. Like, he said he can't wait to graduate so he could call me by name only like LOL--which is not that right because it is quite unethical in Malaysian context for as far as I concern because here teachers should not lepak with students. Well, yeah. So I did and it was heartbreaking to not seeing them anymore, that they are now in their hometown looking for jobs. Ya, I hate goodbyes.

In fact, I also realized that people are getting married here and there, people are now starting to ask me about marriage where I solemnly reply them with "Saya tak nak kahwin" padahal I takdelah taknak kahwin pun tapi siapa je nak kahwin dengan I kan ah whatevs but ya, it is tiring. At this time of life where I couldn't even fix my shit, I would not have a thought of getting married. But seeing people, my friends and colleagues preparing stuff for weddings and shat make me wonder whether I would be able to experience all those messy things. I only like hennas, and dresses and veils, which I could get, or rent, and have a photoshoot, with a guy friend, but that wouldn't be it la kan. LOL. Told my mother that I might as well take an orphan from war-torn countries like Syria or some random babies.

I have been struggling my ass doing my masters I have been thinking last night, I think I might as well take a break, a semester break for I am dealing with life crises right now. My car is not in a very good condition, I don't know why Frankie acted up, it's just almost 3 years I owned him, and I don't have time to do assignments and travelling, is fucking tiring like shit. I might thought, initially, last year, I still remember that I don't really mind travelling but now, now, I've come to my senses, that it is not easy and oh goddamnit it was hard. Sorry I curse. It was hard, man. Travellling back and forth like shit to attend some shitty classes for 2 frikkin hours where the lecturer is just whispering to herself teaching, or should I say reading shit from slides which were printed and distributed to all of us where we can always read for ourselves! Ah marahnya! I might as well change my mode. I would prefer doing research only. I think I can do that. Reading stuff, thinking stuff, like now. Like I am thinking now. Thinking how am I gonna do the exam this Sunday. Like you see, frikkin 2 hours exam. Lepastu balik. Pergi 3 hours, balik 3 hours, ah damn. There's no flight from Ipoh to KL and it was so frikkin annoying travelling by ETS. Magads! I am serious, I am so gonna change my mode.

Plus, will start to teach Interpersonale Skillsz starting next week, like eh subject ni best tapi cikgu dia tengah marah dan stress. These people here, they did so many unnecessary things ok. Like we have these new kids coming yesterday, 230+ new students, so we had to give them English test, initially, the idea was to segregate the weak and the good ones and then the weaklings will have to go to remedial classes. But-but-but, ugh, they didn't! What we're doing now is we ask them to sit for an exam, they answer, we mark, we get the data, we present to the boss. Are we having remedial classes? No. No! AAAAA. My point here is, kalau you did not want to do the remedial classes, then I don't see the needs to do the exam, test, whatever you call it! Kan? Ugh. Like it's a professional way of wasting time. Seriously? Seriously?

I seriously should not let this get to my students reach.
Nah gambar comel